Well I've been reading the same Max Lucado book about Psalm 23 this week. It's been so busy that the week whizzed by as I've been reading a section or two each day. I find myself thinking about it all day as I go about my day which typically starts with prayer with hubby for our assorted offspring and their offspring, each other and then I pray by myself, read a bit of Max, get up get dressed, go downstairs, wash dishes, pick up clutter, talk to Song and or son about their days, plans, needs and what I just read, feed fish, water plants, shake the doormat, sweep or vacuum, clean a toilet, make breakfast, lunch and supper or make somebody else do it, wash more dishes, put away some clean dishes, make a few phone calls, listen and try to be encouraging, bring in firewood or make somebody else do it, feed animals or make somebody else do it, start fires in one or the other stove and feed the fire periodically or make somebody else do it, wash dirty clothes, dry, fold, put away or make somebody else do it, clean off dirty surfaces ranging from toilets to doorknobs and incuding cars, fill bird feeders, feed chickens or make Song do it, collect eggs or make Song do it, water chickens or make Song do it, teach Algebra II to Song, help with her other subjects, help Son with college classes and problems of life he can't figure out what to do about such as 20 questions he has to ask inmates at the county jail tomorrow which have to line up with the theories of why some folks do deviant behavior and just what is deviant behavior anyway?, cheer him on as he demonstrates new song he learned on guitar this week, help hims figure out how to solve an embarrassing problem and cheer for him when he does it successfully, teach two preschoolers about God making babies, animals and them and sing with them, hop around the room with them and encourage them to crawl back anf roth under the table on Wednesday nighta as well as make them sit in chars and politely cooperate with the directions I have for them
  This week I also made bread, moved the furniture in my bedroom all except my bed, tried unsuccessfully to fix one of the vacuum cleaners, cleaned out the other one, vacuumed my bedroom and hallway and upstairs bathroom, brought in plants from the upstairs porch, made bread two loaves and a pizza, Song helped with the pizza, visited the buildings we are trying to renovate with hubby and helped the building inspector tour the site and answered questions he had with hubby and the contractor and then on to the building department to pay fees and chit chat and ask questions and listen to huby and nod head while he talked with the contractor in the parking lot and then on to have a little date of pie and soup and coffee in a small eatery downtown as we sighed in relief over getting through the red tape on one of the two houses we want to renovate and being given the green light on it!! Moved the cedar chest out of our bedroom and down the stairs with Song and a set of drawers up the stairs with her. Tried unsuccessfully to instal printer software for our new printer on the old deskstop computer so hubby can use it to print a copy of excel spreadsheet he has to turn in on Monday!!! Some of windows xp has been accidentally  been uninstalled and the old computer won't let me reinstall it without an Internet connection which it no longer has because the modem died last summer or a code that I no longer have drat!!!! Answered questions about when am I going hunting and no I am not going on Sunday morning because I am teaching the Sunday school kids in the opening part this week and next, Answer questions about the market scene of our church reenactment  of Christ's birth and agree to do the prop gathering and set up of props this year because the two who have been doing it quit. Vacuum the basement and furniture down there too on the half where we hauled in a big heavy replacement bookcase to put where we had a cheap Sauder entertainment center,

So the long involved not too interesting description of my days is here to show anybody who might find themselves feeling envious of my good life that it isn't always so great! I've had people be somewhat envious sometimes of the good life I have but not of the everyday process I go through.

The part in Max's book that I read yesterday morning was about envy and jealousy. Of course he makes the point that both are bad for us. I found myself thinking that the difference between admiration that motivates us to make some improvements in our lives and those other two E and J choices is just what you do about your noticing somebody looks a bit better than you to you! If you notice somebody else is better at making friends and you start to study them and try to do some of the things they do. That's a function of admiration or if you just glare at them and complain about them that's a function of envy.

Then is occurred to me that we tend to envy the end result not the process. What I mean is we admire the spotless home,the well behaved children, the strong marriage, the well stocked cupboard,the nice looking home, the bank account with lots of money in it. But we are looking right past the process which is what we need to take a long hard look at. The spotless home is that way because the folks that live there keep it and make it clean and orderly. They wipe their feet, they take off their shoes, they vacuum every day, they don't let the dishes sit on the counter, they don't eat at home, they limit their possessions etc. If I am unwilling to do likewise then I should not be surprised or depressed about my messy house. But if I am then that's a result of envy.

I don't want to do what it requires to have what I want I just want it! I want what I want with no effort on my part. That's the baggage of envy or jealousy. I don't want to put the effort into it. I just want it to appear in my life.

Life doesn't work that way. There is a bit of undeserved good stuff that happens to us but to a large extent you get what you aim at. If you want a good marriage you have to marry carefully and then work like the dickens to grow a better relationship. If you want children who grow up into great people that you can enjoy admitting you are related to then you have to say no to some thing that can gobble your time and attention and you have to work on doing some growing up yourself.   If you want money in your bank account then you have to find ways to earn money and find ways to not spend it all. If you want these kinds of things but not enough to work at them like crazy then you probably won't end up with them. Not much that's worth having in your life happens by fallout.

It's really pretty interesting to ponder this idea.

We tend to think that God forgives and gives grace to the humble and that takes care of it. But we also tend to believe that old adage, "You made your bed now don't complain about lying in it." They seem to contradict each other. But do they?

I think they don't.  God forgives and gives grace. That means that anybody can stop kicking themselves for being stupid, wasteful, immoral, ingnorant, even downright evil and then ask God to help them make different choices now and they start to roll up their sleeves and get going on a better life. Now that may not yield the quality of life they would have had if they had not been stupid, wasteful, immoral, ignorant or evil before that day. It will mean that they will have a better life than they would have it they kept being stupid, wasteful, immoral, ignorant and evil.

The idea of being wise or being stupid is doing what is right. Knowing what is right is not so difficult but the rub comes in when we kinow what is right and we do what we think is wrong. Admitedly all of us do this sometimes. But when our lives get really rotten is when we look at somebody making good choices which leads to a pretty good life and we starte badmouthing them or tossing things in their path to make it more difficult for them.

Just to make any envious folks out there who think I can't relate to them or they can't relate to me feel better. I want to admit I was married for ten years before I put a garden in without getting in an argument about it with hubby. I remember thinking that it was quite an accomplishment when that happened!! I believe that is when I felt hopeful about my marriage. And there were times when I struggled as a mother too. I found a letter as I was cleaning out my bedroom last night which I had written to a good friend who moved away saying that I finally was beginning to feel not so cross-eyed because they baby, my youngest had slept through two nights in a row!!!According to the date on the letter she was over a year old at that point.

  My thoughts are swirling like the autumn leaves outside! I spent most of last week with one of my center daughters who delivered a baby girl on Friday afternoon. It was delightful to hold a newborn twig for our family tree in my arms on Saturday! Posie held up well and is doing a great job of mothering and wifeing too. She observed that her baby appeared to be the most beautiful baby she had ever seen in her life but admitted that she might be a bit prejudiced!

Another of the center daughters is due to deliver her little gal next month and is showing signs of early labor which I am joining her in praying will hold off a bit so that there is more time for God to finish up making the lungs and the liver on the baby before delivery. We love babies around here and since this little one's older brother was a preemie we know lockbox can mother a preemie but are asking God for a full term one this time although we know God doesn't take orders from us so we will bow to whatever He decides. She is trying to lie down and sit down and drink lots of fluids to stave off birth for a bit while the doctors watch her and monitor things.

Meanwhile, my father in law was at death's door yesterday so hubby was fielding calls about his Dad's and mom's struggle in that area. He seemed to turn a corner yesterday afternoon and is continueing to improve today. So we are thanking God for that miracle today and asking him to help the crew at that hospital to hang in there! Whew!

In the meantime Song and I managed to can and freeze most of the two and a half bushels of tomatoes we had sitting here waiting for attention. I have a few more on the table to make into another batch of salsa. It sure is nice to have a couple of extra hands helping to get the larders full! The tomatoes would have turned to mush and been tossed to the chickens if I were trying to get them processed by myself!

Song and hubby also worked on felling and cutting up another tree this week while I was busy with daughter's labor so we are that much closer to having our winter's wood cut! I feel relieved and grateful to see those chunks of firewood piling up. We've got a bit more to cut before we can settle back into our easy chairs though. Some of what is cut up will need to be split and stacked too.

Son is busy working on midterm papers and so I'm trying to be really inspiring but keep myself from being too involved too as he labors over this comparative piece of writing. It's a tough balance.

It's hard as a parent in this and many sitiuations to figure out how invoved to be so that I am helpful and yet not get too involved and start to carry the load for him. I would love to just write the paper for him or at least decide on the topic and set up the outline. But that would not really help him in the long run so I have been trying to be a good listener and let him bounce ideas off me.

It was like that as I spent time along side my daughter and son in law this week during her labor. How much do I say and how much do I keep my thoughts between God and me?

It was also like that yesterday as I watched and listened to my hubby agonize over his Dad's medical crisis. We prayed and talked and prayed and talked. The hard part for him is wanting to be there and lesson his mother's pain and his father's suffering as well as longing to come along side his younger brother and shoulder some of the burden he carries when there is a stressful time at home. I can understand some of that because I've experienced my parents' health crises. But at the same time I can't understand because this is not my mother,father or brother and no two people go through the same thing the same way. So again the struggle is to keep my mouth shut more than it's open and keep holding my hubby and his family up to God knowing that He is much wiser than me and knows and loves them all more than I can.

It's hard to let God be God in my life and in the lives of those around me. But it sure beats the alternative!